Noodlie-Doodlie

The Palm Six, Living in Bemidji

I just made a really yum scrum peach and blueberry cobbler.  I’ve been dreaming of peaches for two plus years.  Crates of peaches are being sold in a beat up van that sits in the parking lot right next to my parent’s shop.  The same guy, the same beat up van, not the same peaches (but similar tasting peaches), the same parking lot, for as long as I can remember.  I love the steady-on practices that unfold in the midst of our transition.

It seems appropriate for some reason to blog today.  First day of school, I guess.  Ani, James and Sydney all made their way into Schoolcraft Learning Community.  It’s a charter school out by my parent’s house.  Nothing, other than lakes and woods, are out by my folks - except Concordia Language Villages. Which, on the property of their French Camp, houses the charter school during the school year.  We feel grateful for the five minute drive to the small school in the woods.  I thought for the last month or so that we would be out at the school that I went to as a kid, which would be a bit trippy.  But this opportunity came along, and noodlie-doodlie, to Schoolcraft we go.

I’ve only been away from Bemidji for 15 years, but coming back as a resident-in-limbo does catch me off guard sometimes.  Okay, most days.  Today, I was grocery shopping at the same grocery store that my family has shopped at for ages, and I ran into the mom of a friend that I grew up with.  Barb was the first stay at home mom that I ever knew.  And back in the day, stay at home mom’s were a bit rare.  I kind of had a moment in the grocery store today - not having any clue when I was snatching cookies out of her freezer 25 years ago that I would be a stay at home mom as well.  Or, in both Ani and James’ classes, they have buddies that are the sons and daughters of good friends of mine that I grew up with.  Or, Jayson and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary by going canoeing of Lake Bemidji, a lake that I played on since I was a kid.  The contrast of coming back from India, a place that was so foreign to us, to place that was my home for all of my growing up years, is all a bit foreboding.  

I’ve been making photo albums of our time in India for each of the kids.  I do not hesitate to tell you that I have weeped with every child as I look back on who they were when we first boarded the plane to who they are now.  I have been kind of avoiding the task of the needed photo albums, in part because I am rubbish at making photo albums, in part because I emotionally could not muster the energy to pick out 20 pages of pics that best describe each child’s life.  But here I am, both cursing my horrific inabilities and sniffling through the process.  Three and half down, and the other half of Jovie’s will be done in the coming nights. 

First Days in India for The Palm Six

Jayson heads down to Minneapolis tomorrow for the rest of the week.  His goal is to be down three days a week, every week for the month of September.  70% of jobs are found through networking, so noodlie-doolie, to networking we go.  He’s really been hard at it for the last two months.  Every month is ramped up another notch.  We still stand with hope and courage that a job is just around the corner.  Most days we stand that way, it would be untrue of me to not tell you I do have my moments of slum-bummin’ it, that’s for sure.  The peach and blueberry cobbler tastes that much sweeter in those moments, which I am grateful for.

On a separate, side note, thanks to all of you for your cheers for me to keep on writing.  Along with the comments on the blog, I also got a nice round of fun emails from you all.  Thank you, thank you.  That was not my intent in posing that question to you all, but thanks nonetheless.  I am going to keep on blogging.  But a few changes will happen.  We are not going to keep on emailing you when I have a new post.  There are about 400 people that read the blog and only 40 plus that are signed up through the blog to automatically receive it.  So, Jayson is going to type out below about how to subscribe to the blog, so you can receive an email through the blogging service when I do blog.  I think I will shorten my blogs as well, try to keep them weekly again, and I have no idea what I am going to write about, but I do want to write, so noodlie-doodlie, to writing I go.


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Dipping Chapati into Ketchup

I had to put some kind of picture in the blog. This is what you get.

I am eating frozen blueberries.  They are my favorite evening treat during the summer.  Take a fresh pint of blueberries, wash, freeze on a cookie sheet and then toss into a Zippie in the freezer.  My mom does it for me.  She’s a gem.  I do love the perks of living with my folks.  Another perk is that Jayson and I are able to go for a run in the morning together whilst the children are snoozing and my mom is getting ready for work.  Together.  Did you hear that?  Glorious.  

I am not sure if you recall my blog about the Wolfe boys... our friends Sarah and Chris, who live in Texas, have five boys, all around our kid’s ages.  Well, Sarah flew me down there to spend time together (and fabulous it was) and then for me to also help fly her oldest back to Minneapolis to spend a bit more time with his grandparents... Anyway, I had this squirrelly idea to bring James with me.  Previously, James had been feeling restless with his three sisters and no friends around, so what better therapy than to bring him to destination Camp Wolfe in Texas with me?  And he had the time of his life.  All boys, all the time.  We swam, we watched baseball, we played Legos, we watched Cars 2, we went to Sonic, we stayed up late.  It was such a pleasure to see James totally able to let loose and have fun.  

Bemidji.  My parent’s house.  This time.... for me, has high monastic-like qualities. I do say that with a smile on my face, knowing that I have four young kids around.  But I cannot tell you how true it is.  Monastic in the sense of quietude and simplicity. It’s the way I know how to heal right now.  My reading companions currently are really quite thoughtful and solitary as well.  I just finished the Dietrich Bonhoeffer biography.  I cried at the end.  Even though it is a whopper of book, it’s a really great read.   

The Palm Six are okay. I feel like on any given today we are so grateful to be at my parent’s house.  The enjoyment and freedom of playing, in an uninterrupted schedule.  Today, Jovie did not want the grilled cheese I was making for lunch, so I gave her some curry and chapati (Indian flat bread).  She didn’t want the curry, but asked for ketchup instead.  So, merry on she went dipping her chapati into ketchup.  That’s us.  Leaving a tremendous amount of space for things that don’t make sense.   And trying not to take ourselves too seriously.

Jayson is a total rock star in looking for a job.  I am so proud of him.  Tomorrow he drives down to Minneapolis for a handful of interviews and a dozen networking meetings.  

Enough about him.  I am not altogether sure what to with my blog.  To write or not to write is the question.  I am so heady right now.  I don’t really have any bizarre stories, and I don’t even have a camera to take shots of the kids doing what we do here...  I don’t know people.  What’s that phrase, the jury is still out on the verdict.  Is that right?  Oh well, would love to hear from you about what I should do about the blog.  Let the people speak. 

Nutty as a Fruitcake

Our favorite road trip pic

Happy birthday Syd! - June 19

Where I am writing right now is in front of a very large mirror.  I am not sure how I feel about that.  I see that my newly waxed eyebrows and covered-up gray hair are looking quite... hmm, well, to be honest, fresh.  And I kind of like it.  Today, I am a new age.  34.  And all in one day, my mom colored my hair and she sent me in for an eyebrow wax, facial, and pedicure.  All in one day I say.  My body is a bit shocked.  And I’ve got this cute new red zip-up sweatshirt that Jayson got me... I guess I am just ready.  Ready for this 34th year.  Ready for... well, I don’t know.  We’ve got jobs, home, schools, neighborhood, health insurance, pediatricians...  all to be filled in.  And my new eyebrows and red sweatshirt are ready.

When I last left you, we were packing up to go on a road trip.  Rockford, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Wisconsin Dells, and back to Bemidji.  It was quite the trip.  We covered some sweet mileage and spent time with very great friends and family along the way.  I am going to attempt something very challenging for me, but because I am 34 now, I am going to do just do it.  And my vacuumed out facial pores are going to help me.  I am going to sum up each stop in two sentences.  

Rockford (where Jayson was born): Jayson’s mom hung out with the kids while we went into Chicago for the weekend - she is a total rock star.  Loved seeing Jayson’s grandpa (Mor Far) and other aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Chicago: Talked for two straight days with our friends/mentors about our time in India, current status, and what’s to come.  We walked out of that weekend with a better understanding of why we are as nutty as a fruitcake currently and started the process of healing - we are so appreciative of them.

St. Louis:  Had great fun with Jayson’s sister and her family (we give a shout out to Denver, our newest nephew, born June 12) and Jayson’s folks.  I loved watching the cousins and adults get back into the groove like no time has past. 

Fun with the cousins in St. Louis

 

Nashville:  Who knew Tennessee was two states away from Florida (we got pretty south)? Spent a very merry weekend with Jayson’s other sister and husband, trying to catch a glimpse of their world, and loving it.

Wisconsin Dells:  This was an 18 hour pit stop - the half way point between Nashville and Bemidji.  It turned out to be a wonderfully fun and needed time for the Palm Six to just be us.

I did it, two sentences each, but I totally wiggled around with the parenthesis, commas, and hyphens.  Yikes.  We were on the road for a total of 40 hours, the same amount of time it took us to get back from India.  The kids asked if we can withhold a bit from the 40-hour-block traveling in the near future.

A few days after we got back to Bemidji we did take another long weekend down to Minneapolis/Owatonna for a few family showers and a graduation.  Again, it’s great to reconnect with family.  We also spent a few days with Sarah, David, and kids.  The kids were a bit beside themselves that we have been in the States and hadn’t seen the Landt kids.  We’ve missed them.

I am not quite sure what to say about our current status, folks.  I do know that change takes courage.  And we are in a whole lot of change.  Not just change, but recovery as well.  Some days I feel like change is for the birds, other days I have a bit more gumption. Soon, I will start sharing in more detail... but for now, this is all I got.  

Quite the Lovely Evening

Adding to the all-important "to do" list

It's quite the lovely evening here in northern Minnesota. It's actually what everyone imagines a northern Minnesota evening to be. If one has ever imagined about it I guess. It's about 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Slight breeze. A Minnesota Twins baseball game is playing on the radio in the background. My dad is tinkering on his fishing boat. A mosquito is buzzing around my head and I just pulled a wood tick off my back, which always weirds me out. Anyway, this is our current reality, just thought I would let you in on it.

Its been about 2 ½ weeks since I last wrote. Let's back up a bit. Our last few days in India went relatively smooth. Sarah successfully packed us up and Jayson finished training in a new Freedom Firm staff. I know I will sound cliché, but it's oh so true... I had been so grateful for our friends these last 2 ½ years in India, but I really didn't feel the magnitude of how great our friendships were until we were saying our goodbyes, until we gave our last hugs, until I saw their tears and mine, until they prayed with us, until I read their cards, until we were driving away, until I felt a deep sense of loss as I was driving down the mountain for the last time. The nature of goodbyes are a bit awful really, I always feel stormy inside. I miss you dear friends.

Buckingham, Ketchum, and Palm families

Thank you Sarah

Freedom Firm staff at the farewell

Our plane ride was rather uneventful. Lots of sitting, lots of TV watching on the planes. I would like to kiss whomever put those sweet personal TV's on British Airways flights. I have loved them since I met them nearly 10 years ago. Our trip was extended a bit at the end by 4 hours, but after 30 plus hours of travel already, it all kind of blurs together.

Photos of the journey home

We have been a bit reclusive these last 10 days. Well, I have been. Jayson has been forced (with gratitude) to enter into the world with a few interviews and a trip down to Minneapolis. We have enjoyed the peace of my parent's house. The first few days back I was at an all time of high of coo-cooness. It was the combination of being tired from the actual move, the grotesque jet-lag, trying to get my head around what had just happened and knowing the future is a bit of a blank slate. I feel better now. I still have a long way to go, but I am hopeful. In a few days we are heading down to Chicago to meet with some dear friends, Dave and Glenda, to help us start wading through all that we have done and been through in regards to India and Freedom Firm. These friends of ours are wise, insightful, show great hospitality, and validate well. Dave actually officiated our wedding. We are thankful for them.

We will continue on from Chicago to St. Louis to see Jayson's folks and sister's family. Then on to Nashville to see Jayson's other sister. We will be on the road for about 11 days and we are glad for it. Yesterday, I had to go to the bank for about a 10 minute meeting and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed about taking the kids with me. And the thought I had was, I would rather take the kids on a 40 hour plane/taxi ride/journey than take them to the bank. Some of those kinds of feelings take up a large part of my re-entry back. I don't make a lot of sense right now. I am not super fun or light to be around. That's okay for now. The kids are reeling as well. From the outside, they probably look fine, but they have their own sort of transitioning as well. They all have had super weird tummies since we got back, picking up all sorts of new kinds of bacteria to get used to. They are in a bit of slow motion, taking everything in. They are wanting to tell people their stories, where they have just come from, what they have just been through, but are finding it difficult. That's okay for now too. Jayson has one foot in transitioning and one foot in finding a job. Which is also sort of weird. He's a bit wonky as well. Oh well, what's a family of six that just moved back from India to do... Be wonky, eat ice-cream, and try to put one foot in front of the other. Until after the road trip...  

Jovie was sad to say goodbye to Naseema

Last day at Hebron School

It was sad saying goodbye

Goodbye for Now

Just some fun kid pictures for you, from their last weeks of school

“All my bags are packed I'm ready to go....

I'm leavin' on a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again.”

(John Denver - Again, mad lyric skills)

Happy Mothers Day!  Mom, I will be home in three days.  Well, this is the last night we will be in our house.  Internet is being shut off tomorrow and we are delivering the mattresses and appliances we sold.  Bon voyage Sangeetha Cottage.  We will be staying at a hotel tomorrow night, so we can have a jump start on moving out of our house.  The kids have school Monday and Tuesday  and we will be tying up loose ends.  Then Tuesday around 6:00 p.m., we will jump into the vehicle and drive through the night to catch a plane in Bangalore on Wednesday morning.  We will fly for awhile, then get into Minneapolis, Wednesday evening.  

On Wednesday, I went to Bangalore to pick up Sarah.  Hip hip hooray!  It was a sixteen hour trip to pick her up (eight hours each way), but oh so worth it.  Sarah came to help us pack up, keep us moving in a forward motion, telling us when to go lay down, love on our kids, and let me talk about all that’s going on inside.  You are such a gem Sarah. 

Yesterday, the kids went to friends’ houses and Sarah and I packed 13 suitcases.  Actually I did not pack a single suitcase, I merely placed things in front of her. Jayson has had kind of a crazy week - a new staff and his wife moved to Ooty from England and Jayson has been fast and furious in orientation and running him through job responsibilities and helping them find a place to live.  He’s been so crazy finishing up that I am so glad Sarah is here, because I am sure that I would have been doing all the packing and kid stuff by myself, which would of left me curled up in a suitcase and sucking my thumb.  

Before

After

We’ve had a good week of goodbyes.  It’s a bit of an ironic statement.  Goodbyes are always a bit dreadful.  I need to take really deep breaths, and just when I think I am going to keep it together, it’s like Niagara Falls on my face.  Oh well, what’s a girl to do.  I am all a bit mixed inside, you can tell by just reading my blog right now, I am kind of all over the map.  That’s okay.  I will write when we get back and am coherent enough to put a sentence or two together - not that I really can right now, but just wanted to say goodbye, for now. 

Freedom Firm leaving party

Monday, Monday, So Good to Me

Note JJ's legs. Who sleeps like that?!?

Monday, Monday, so good to me,

Monday, Monday, it was all I hoped it would be.  

That was the Mamas and the Papas folks, coming live from Udhagamandalam, India.  I really don’t know that song at all.  I know the Monday, Monday bit, but that’s it.  I had to look the lyrics up.  I am telling you this just in case you were wondering when and where I had acquired such vast lyric knowledge of the Mamas and Papas.  It would be rather disappointing if you wanted me to be on your Trivial Pursuit team because you once remembered me quoting the Mamas and the Papas.  Just keepin’ it real folks.  I am done calling you folks from now on.  

So, we borrowed a camera. A cute little green camera. It’s been fun to have one back in our lives after a monthlong escapade without one (I did not forget a space...did you know “monthlong” is one word?).  It felt a bit wrong not to have one in our last days of living in India.  It also felt wrong to have such disastrous hair.  So, the other night, after a long, long day of nonsense, Jayson cut my hair.  In the bathroom.  I am sure my mom is a bit horrified, but my hair was even more horrifying. My vanity got the best of me, because I was thinking that all the pictures I would be taking in the last days of India, I would not look at my darling friends’ faces and remembering them with fondness, but I would be looking at my hair.  I know, I know, I am dealing with loads of emotions, mine and my families, packing, sorting, thinking about our current beginning of unemployment, but I also thinking of my hair.  And you and I are just going to have to deal with it. 

When we moved to India, my kids were at an age that we kind of just packed up, shoved them in a plane and left the country.  I mean it wasn’t that drastic, we talked about it, they helped pick out toys they wanted to bring, etc... But this time around I feel like I am having to be way more intentional, feeling the reality of Jayson’s and my decision to leave effecting them greatly.  I know that whole bit about “kids are resilient” and that if their family remains strong, that is so incredibly helpful for their process of transition.  Yes, yes, I agree.  But they still have great big emotions.  Sad emotions and happy emotions.  And we still have to walk that road with them and not tell them to just go and play with Legos.  James and Ani have both asked why they can feel both happy and sad feelings at the same time.  I didn’t know what to tell them really, other than you just have live feeling both sometimes and know that it’s okay.  (Btw, Ani is brilliant at both crying and laughing at the same time.)  Jovie, out of all of us, is the most bi-cultural (I am pretty sure that is not a word, but just go with it) and in some ways I grieve the most for her in leaving.  Also not sure what to do with that.  Wondering if somehow her comfortability with India will serve others and her well in the future.  And Sydney, well, she told her teacher the other day that when she finds her prince and they get married, she will come back and wave to her in India.  Enough said from Sydney, really.

We’ve had a bit of car oopsie lately.  Not really oopsie.  More like headache.  Not a nightmare, but definitely draining.  So, after many attempts of trying to hand off our car, Jayson finalized the deal on Thursday.  Whew.  The plan was to borrow the buyer’s car until we leave.  Well, the car was, how do I put this nicely...it needed some work.  I kind of felt like I was driving on ice and snow...in India. I know nothing about cars, but I want to say that the axel was probably twisted and turned beyond all recognition.  The first day we had it I got two flat tires on two different tires.  Every time we turned, I kind of felt like the car was just going to give up and die.  Lame.  A bit stressful, a bit dangerous.  After two days, I  told Jayson that we needed something different.  We borrowed a friend’s vehicle for the night, and then this morning a hired vehicle came to pick us up for school.  Having a hired car and driver sounds a bit posh, but posh is probably not how I felt this morning.  I asked the kids when we were walking up to school how they thought it was going to be having the car for the week.  Ani said, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to get used to plugging my nose and covering my ears...”  Making memories I guess...

Second flat tire on the first oopsie car.

If current vehicle proves not to work, this is what we'll aim for.

We’ll blog again on Sunday night, two days before we leave Ooty...  Until then.  Happy Monday.