Saran Kumar

Near our house, there is a place called the “New Boat House”, named the “New Boat House” because it’s newer than the “Old Boat House”.  I love that really.  Well, parking there is nonexistent and I was on my way to get Sydney from school and there was a car that was taking a tremendous amount of time to parallel park.  So, I got impatient and, well, big-headed and went to “roar” around him, in the car/van/can mind you, and had to go on the grass to do so, knowing full well that the grass was wet and quite muddy.  Well, people, I got stuck.  Right in front of the car that I was impatient with.  Humbled is the first word that should come to your mind.  Well, I couldn’t get out without a bit of assistance.  It took eight men, four rocks, 10 minutes and at the end, them actually lifting the right side of the car/van/can out of the mud.  To add to the story, since that time, whenever the car/van/can hits any sort of hole, the horn automatically beeps,  reminding me to be drive with patience and humility.  

This week we were able to share in a really special time with a 14-year-old boy named Saran Kumar.  His dad passed away in 1999, his mom ran away after that, and he has been living with his brothers and grandmother since.  Someone in his family gave him a small plot of land.  Probably 12 feet by 6 feet.  And we helped build a house for him and his grandmother.  The gentleman that introduced us says he is a hard worker, a good student, and soft-spoken.  Saran’s grandmother is nearly blind and quite aged, but strong in spirit, you could tell.  Jayson was especially taken with him and is so thankful to have been a part of Saran’s life for this brief time.  

So, we have been selling some of our things, and I took a few pictures to make a wee flyer to go around.  I am showing you some of the pictures to make you feel better about your own picture taking.  A lot of the pictures were taken when the kids were sleeping and I didn’t want to turn on lights or make much noise, so I just snapped and fled. 

After this photo was taken, we realized that we cannot sell this dog house. Maybe for firewood. 

Why try to sell the "potential", when you can sell the "reality"? 

Our heater has a strong resemblance to Wall-E.

I wasn't joking when I said the kids were sleeping when I snapped some photos, because James was dead asleep when I took this one. By the way, I'm highlighting the "mattress" in this photo.

Nothing about this photo is right - It's an awkward angle, the top edge of the radiator is off the photo, and there's underwear draped over it.

No need to get the water container down from the storage shelf...just point and shoot. 

The parenting class that I have been a part of with the two moms in the aftercare program has come to an end.  I have been with them for nearly 1 1/2 years and can hardly believe that I said goodbye.  I knew we were going to eventually finish once I left, but they decided to leave with their kids to go work elsewhere nearer to family.  I kind of got this panicky feeling when I knew they were leaving.  They are safer with Freedom Firm, not completely of course, but safer than the rice factory that they were going to work at.  The kids are safer with us keeping an eye on them.  I don’t know how to end this paragraph, because I don’t know entirely how I feel on the subject.  

All for now from Ooty, India.

Marshmallow Cricket

I love this shot of Jovie. Shopping at the "Eight Market" with Anik, Yuimi, and Jovie.  Don't mind the blue tint, the market is entirely under blue tarps. 

Yuimi and one of the many piles of clothes at the Eight Market.

I am feeling all a bit overwhelmed as I sit down to write this blog.  It has been three weeks since I wrote last.  Three weeks.  I am such a slacker. I also have an incredible sweet tooth currently.  Today, I have consumed at least 4.2 pounds of sugar.  I am also sitting in front of a fire and am squinting  my eye that faces the fire because I fear that my retina will be sizzled and the right side of my body is 20 degrees hotter than the left.  In short, I am a slacker, sugar-aholic, and I am about to combust because my internal temperature is rising to about 212 degrees Fahrenheit.  We are off to a great start people. 

Where did I last leave you...? Oh, that’s right, I had just told you about Jayson’s resignation.  No small piece of news there.  I have struggled to know how much to write about our story of going home.  Mostly because I don’t want that part of us to distract you and me from staying present in our current home.  Home being India.  Home being working hard for girls that need support and advocacy.  Home being  where the kids go to an amazing international school.  Home being where we feel content “being” until we step on the plane.  Home being a place where we feel sad at the thought of leaving our friends,  our vocational passion, and the place that has helped form the family of six that we are and that we like.  So, I will write about our feelings about our transition, because it is a very real part of us; a part of our journey.  And we just would like it if you continue to walk this road with us.  It’s taken twists and turns that we could have never imagined. 

Two weeks ago we had our Freedom Firm retreat.  It’s an event that Jayson plans and thoroughly enjoys.  It is so fun watching people who take their job very seriously and work really hard doing it, sharing meals, playing, listening, and relaxing together.  I think my favorite part was watching the investigators/operatives (the guys that go into the brothels for the rescues) playing “Marshmallow Cricket”.   Another highlight of the retreat was having Gretchen and Pat right next door to our family.  Gretchen is the U.S. Director and Pat is her mom.  Pat was at the retreat last year with her husband Denny, who was the speaker.  Their family, on the whole, has been significant to Freedom Firm over the years.  When I said right next door...there was half a wall dividing us.  And when Jayson was out with one of the staff and I had a frog/spider emergency in the bathroom with the kids, all I had to do was shout.  When I was trying to calmly tuck the kids into bed on Friday night, we went to go brush teeth and there were three frogs staring at us.  Now, in the great, wide open my kids go wild for frogs.  But in the bathroom at night, the kids and I were just not really all that excited about our bathroom companions.  And I didn’t have any spirit in me to catch them, so Gretchen and Pat came over to save the day and in the process, Jayson heard all of our shouting from across the way and came to see what the ruckus was about.  Gretchen did the initial frog find and then Pat went in to finish the job with Jayson, and in the meantime also found a jungle spider as big as my face.  Awesome.  Needless to say, that night I slept with a scarf wrapped around my face and head, a little wary of any more friends wanting to join our family of six.

Leah, Achi, Sunayana, Gretchen, and Pat at the retreat.

The Freedom Firm staff with families. 

Jayson and the jungle spider. I get the heeby-jeebies just looking at this picture.

The staff playing games at the retreat. 

Since the retreat, I think I have found my feet again.  I was a bit beat after our resignation and retreat.  I/we felt weary.  Which is to be expected.  I anticipate those feelings to circle more than a few times.   We have slept a lot, watched movies, and tried to keep our schedule light.  Another way that we have tried to rejuvenate a bit is to do some Explooting...  Of course, it’s really what the doctor does order.  Our friend Adam, from the States, has been up in Calcutta for a bit of time (working with Word Made Flesh) and came down to visit us last weekend.  So, we thought we would show in a good ol’ fashioned time in Ooty.  We took him to a dam.  Of course. Why not?  And then a lake which we took a boat ride around, and then to some waterfalls.   As I write that, it does sound a bit pathetic really.  At the time though, I was pretty pumped.  And Adam is very gracious.  A good combination. 

Adam and the Palm Six on the lake. And yes, Sydney does feel compelled to strike a pose in every photo she's in. 

Ani and Susai by the beautiful waterfall in Pikara.

I am encountering the time in the blog that I am aware that if I write any more, it will seem a bit over the top.  So I will leave you and hope that you are off to a great start to your week.  Until next time...

Mr. Twiddle

Helping to get ready for her brother's birthday

My throat hurts.  From bed time stories.  I quite like reading out loud to my kids.  I really get into it.  Tonight it was a story about this gentleman named Mr. Twiddle (of course his name is Mr. Twiddle, brilliant name...) and he’s fantastic really.  I was howling during the story, howling I say.  I won’t repeat the premise of the story, that wouldn’t go well, you wouldn’t think it was funny, blah, blah, blah... just remember the name Mr. Twiddle and the name alone should make your throat hurt.

Since our last blog we have a newly crowned eight year old daughter and six year old son.  Ani’s birthday was on the 12th and James’ on the 14th.  We had a fantastic weekend celebrating and trying to squish a little Valentine’s Day in there.  We do V-day on the 13th... well, I say that like we’ve been doing that for years.  We did V-day on the 13th this year, and I kind of liked it.  It may be our new thing.  If you want to try it, go ahead.  We won’t mind. 

Ani's Birthday

James' Birthday

Breakfast in bed

Another happening this week was that Jayson resigned from Freedom Firm.  Say what?  Some of you may already know this and have started processing this with us, but for those of you that haven’t, we will tread the waters with you.  I do want to keep the “why” quite short and talk more about “how” this week has been.  The why is that we just know that it is time for us to come home.  This decision has not been taken lightly.  So not lightly.  This decision has been very deep in our bones.  It’s been surprising as well.  We thought at the onset that we would be here for 3-5 years.  And yet at 2 1/2 years we will be going back.  The anticipation of this week was a bit shaky.  Shaky like “big, deep breathes, this feels really big” shaky, not, “oh geez louise, we are making a really bad decision” shaky.  It brought back memories of us deciding to move here... 

Jayson started the week telling the staff.  That was hard.  They, and we, will miss working with each other.  The staff are so incredibly strong and courageous.  We then told our kids on the 15th.  They all had mixed emotions.  Surprised really.  Ani has been walking around the house saying, “I can’t believe we are really moving back the States.”  Ani understands the reality of this transition more than the other kids.  We then started emailing people back in the States, and then a flood of emails came back to us, and we literally were saturated with kind and warm words.  You see, we feel sent from you all to be working here.  A delegate of sorts.  So, when we decided that our time was done here, we feel the weight of the decision in all sorts of ways. I see the weight in mostly positive ways.  Keeps us accountable for our actions.  Our decisions. Whew, I feel the need for a good joke after all this serious talk.  Mr. Twiddle anyone???

So, we are here until May.  We are here. Fully here.  Engaging here.  Working hard here.  Loving and enjoying life here.  And we continue to love the journey that we are on here...

P.S.  Thanks to all that posted comments and sent us emails from my blog entry about the kids.  You are all so encouraging and I did feel like I put our whole family out there and you really did well with it.  Thank you.

Sydney at Christmas

I don't think it is an overstatement to say that Sydney is simply hilarious. Her reactions to the Christmas presents she received this year were consistently over the top. So we put together a short video of "The Best of Sydney Christmas Present Reactions" for your enjoyment. 

Through the Eyes of My Children

Workers digging a well at the Roja aftercare home in Ooty. We're expanding the home to house 12 girls. It currently can handle four girls. 

35 rings needed so far (totaling 45 feet down!). Still no water. 

An overhead shot. This is the space where a dormitory-style room will be built. 

I am eating a dark mint chocolate that has just come out of the freezer.  I am in love.  I have this memory of either visiting someone, babysitting, going to a party, etcetera, I can’t really remember.  But I was at someone’s house and they had Andes Mints in the freezer and I think every so often during the night I would go in a grab a few and by the end of the evening I had eaten the whole package. (Not the wrapper, but the chocolate, lest you be confused.)  Mmmmm, that was a really nice night.  I am sure you are feeling very satisfied with that story.  More intelligent.  Curiosity quenched.  Heart filled.  Done.  Go home.  Pack it up.  With that story, you are finished for the day.
  

I was thinking that it may be interesting to write about India and our life here through the eyes of my children  I have been thinking about it for a few days, wanting to put more thought into it than just my stream of consciousness.  I also need to say that because of the ages of my kids, their comments, ideas, assumptions deal very little in the abstract.  What they see, hear, smell is well, what they see, hear, smell.  With that comes very blunt and sometimes coarse feelings.  I risk being a bit offensive by letting you in on their perceptions, but their story is as much a part of our story as Jayson’s or mine.  We have given them the space to have really hard feelings, and not trying to quickly tell them more of the why behind a certain situation.  But there have been times that I’ve felt scared or embarrassed about some of their words about India.  I find myself wanting to  rush and try to convince them that their feelings are wrong.  But that’s not usually very fair of me.  So, I hope you find it interesting to hear their musings.

Jovie.  Age: 2 1/2.   India is what she knows.  She delights in all the random and numerous animals on the street.  She does not shout at people when they pinch her cheek.  She would prefer rice and dal over pasta.  She drinks chai tea like it’s water.  She eats with her fingers like the locals and can handle more spice than anyone else in the house.  Adults included.  She interacts with local people with ease and the guys at Modern Stores carry her around while I shop.  She is so comfortable that she often wanders off, which was a bit nerve wracking for my mom when she was here.  Because Jovie is so young, I wonder what she will remember about India and what from here she will carry with her.  

Sydney.  Age: 4 1/2.  When we moved here, Sydney was 2 1/2, so really, India is what she knows as well.  But because she is a bit older, she is more influenced by Ani and James and their memories of the States.  All that being said, Sydney being Sydney has a confidence about her here.  She will go up to anybody and ask them anything.  When we were on holiday, we went back to the hotel after dinner and she pranced into the lobby and said with her hand on her hip to the three employees there, “Hi boys, I am back.”  That’s her.  She handles the food fine and doesn’t think much of all the different sights and smells to be seen and smelled.  It is what it is.  She does miss her grandparents and Nana and Papa dearly.  So there is a miss in her for our family, which at times does affect her outlook here.  She is aware that there are huge gaps of time between seeing them.  She has picked up more of the British lingo than any of the other kids.  Uses words like “straightaway”, “proper”, “trousers”, and “knickers”.  India is a colorful country that has poured its color into her.

James. Age: turns 6 in 4 days.  James came here shortly before his fourth birthday.  He is more grayscale compared to Sydney’s vibrant color.  That being said, he has transitioned here a bit more stealth than the other kids.  He moved here with a bit of concrete information about the States, but not enough to be solidified in things.  Like knowing a bit about different sports, currency, clothes, etc.  So, when he came here, he was inundated with new information.  Of course he was, we all were.  But because his foundation of what is “normal” in the States was not yet solid, he gets the components of life here mixed up with the States.  Maybe more in the first year than now, but it still shows.  Like soccer and football.  To him they’re essentially the same thing, yet he knows somehow their different.  Considering he’s never been in the States for a football season, he doesn’t know how it’s different.  The same with cricket and baseball.  There is a basket by the front door holding both a cricket and a baseball bat.  To him, as he reaches for either bat, it doesn’t matter which he grabs, so long as he gets to hit something. 

Ani. Age: turns 8 in 2 days.  I have saved Ani’s for last because she is the one that has been both the most delightful and the most painful to watch take in all that is different here.  My Ani girl is full of questions. She has had a hard time not asking sweeping questions like, “Why are Indians so rude?” (because she loathes it when they touch her, tweek her cheeks, and take photos of her) or “Just because I have white skin, why does everyone think I am so special?”.  She has asked Jayson and I, “Why in the States do we have a lot less than some people, and here why do we have more than most everyone else?”   Or “Mommy, why do Muslim women want to cover themselves?” or “How come Hindu people worship something that looks so weird?”  These types of questions come all the time.  Some days, I don’t know how to answer them.  Some days I do okay.  Explaining poverty, skin color, and different religions to a child is hard.  Living in the tension of poverty, skin color, and different religions can be a bit overwhelming.  She is the most patriotic child I have ever met.  She has a warped perception that all things good are in the States.  I get really wound up when she goes there.  But she does not like that she is so far away from her family and dear friends.  She does not like the fact that she gets the runs quite frequently.  She does not like the fact that she feels different here, that she stands out.  So, I give her space to hold the States up a bit higher than she should.  Even though she struggles here, she is the one I most foresee living in a cross-cultural setting when she is older. She’s really compassionate.  And she feels sad that there are a lot of people that “go without” here.  She feels like it’s really important that we are here doing the work that we are doing.  

Whew, I made it.  This blog is really long.  I don’t know how to make it shorter though. The length being what it is, I am sure I have left some major gaps, but it’s a good start.  And with that, I say goodnight dear friends.

High School Musical

Breakfast in bed for the birthday boy

  

The second Freedom Firm Awareness Program. Vijaya again did an amazing job sharing her story.

That's Vijaya in white in the middle of all the girls. We're so thankful the students were so moved by her story. 

It is 2:11 p.m. on Friday, January 28.  I am not sure if I can write a blog in the daylight.  I am thinking the moonlight usually helps the blog flow.  I also think the evening tiredness helps - I am a bit more loose with my tongue and say things that I was curious about in the morning.  So, you can all expect the highest degree of congeniality out of me.  

Currently, my mom and the kids are outside working in the garden.  I know I have told you this before, but my mom is this magic fairy cleaner/organizer/work horse.  In just one week she has scrubbed and painted our patio railing, cleaned and organized my laundry room and refrigerator, organized closets, and done 1,042 loads of laundry.  She is now trying to sort out all of our flowers.  I look at flowers/shrubs and say, “Oh, that looks pretty,” or “Oh, that looks pretty awful.”  And leave it at that.  I kind of get overwhelmed in the conquering of flowers and such.  But my mom is fearless.

Grandma's little helpers

Oh, and what about her back you ask.  Wasn’t she laid up for three days at the beginning of her stay with us?  Yes friends, yes she was. When I last wrote to you all, I was hiding something from you... So, I think I wrote you on a Saturday night.  At that point she was barely able to walk.  Back up a few months, my mom wanted us to plan a beach holiday while she was here.  So, we had planned that the Sunday after she got here, we would hop on a train and head to the beach.  Jayson and I waffled back and forth about whether to cancel or not, but my mom was determined, determined she was.  I was a bit nervous about the whole thing, wondering if we actually got my mom on the train, was she going to be able to get off, picturing my mom endlessly traveling back and forth from Trivandrum to Coimbatore day-in and day-out because she simply couldn’t get off was a despairing thought.  So, I just didn’t tell you all that part, lest you all get nervous with me.  So, I kept it to myself.  And thankfully, she did great.  And by the second day that we were at the beach, she was digging in the sand with the kids and doing back flips into the pool.

Jovie sleeping 2011

Jovie the consistent little girl, this is her sleeping on vacation with Grandma LAST year. 

My favorite bit of our whole five-day-long trip was heading up the mountain to Ooty in the last few hours of the trip.  We were unsuccessfully trying to avoid getting travel sickness, so the driver pulled over.  All the windows were down because for some reason more wind in the car is better for trying not to chuck.  Then all of a sudden a monkey jumped onto the edge of the window.  Ani was inches away from the monkey, with James right next to her, and then Jayson realized what was happening, he looked at the monkey, and just bellowed at it.  I think he was trying to shout him out of the car. I know you are all tired of my monkey stories, but I almost wet myself over the whole ordeal. 

I had Jayson draw a picture of the situation, especially the part about him shouting at the monkey.  Enjoy.

We just passed the two year mark of our time in India.  Can you believe it?  I still feel like such a newbie here.  For me, I am not sure that feeling will ever pass.  I still feel like a newbie at parenting, marriage, life, etc.  I look at the teenagers on High School Musical and feel like they are way more mature than I am.  I still feel new at cultural things, like what all the different clothing or different kinds of foods are called and all the Hindu/Muslim practices.  I still feel new at being intimidated by monkeys and dogs when I go on a run or walk.  I still feel new at the depth and scope of what it means for a country this size to support over 1.1 billion people. I still feel new when I try to get my head around how to help girls have a fuller and healthier life after they get out of the brothels.  And last, but not least, I still feel new and in disbelief that when I search high and low in all the shops in Ooty and I cannot find a single Diet Coke anywhere.

My mom heads back on Monday night.  So sad.  If you see her on February 3, wish her a happy 60th birthday.